[personal] My Love/Hate Relationship with Chanukah

For the past decade or so, whether Chanukah falls in early December or overlaps Christmas, I have wrestled with the meaning of the holiday. I grew up in a devoutly secular Jewish family, although my father used to tell us stories of the holidays. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that observing Jewish customs became important to me. Their father, my first husband, came from a family that celebrated Christmas as a paean to overconsumption, an amalgam of showering each other with cheap gifts and gorging on indigestible food while sniping at one another. In our own home, however, we would have a modest tree, a modest meal, and presents that had something to do with the interests of the recipients.

So where did Chanukah fit it? For one thing, when my kids came along I decided not to compete with Christmas. No big gatherings. No tinsel. No horribly unhealthy meals. And no presents. Instead, we turned off the tv, and gathered around to light the candles and stumble through reading the blessings. We’d play dreidel using Chanukah gelt (foil-wrapped chocolate coins) and take turns reading aloud from a collection of funny children’s Chanukah books. The hands-down favorite was Eric Kimmel’s Herschel and the Hanukkah Goblins, although his The Chanukkah Guest came a close second. One of the appeals of Herschel was the way the dialog of the goblins lent itself to silly voices as Herschel outwitted them one by one. Needless to say, the kids loved reading together and playing games as a family. Years later, they told me that they didn’t want to give the impression they didn’t like getting presents for Christmas but they liked Chanukah better.

As the kids grew up, and I divorced and later remarried, I found myself re-evaluating the holiday. I hadn’t celebrated it as a child and I no longer had children to delight. By this time, my own Jewish identity had become increasingly important to me. What did this holiday mean, beyond a way of enjoying the winter in a non-specifically-Christian way?

I started reading the story behind Chanukah, and that’s when my troubles started.

Short Book Reviews: A Domestic Haunted House Thriller

 Just Like Home, by Sarah Gailey (Tor)

Oh, my.

I fell in love with Sarah Gailey ‘s writing when Magic for Liars hit the stands, and  I became even more a fan with her tale of hippopotami in the Mississippi River (River of Teeth). Her domestic thriller, The Echo Wife, took her storytelling into new territory and new heights. Now Just Like Home unveils her mature talent. It fits loosely within the new genre of “domestic thriller,” more toward the “domestic horror” side with supernatural elements.

Vera Crowder returns home at the summons of her dying mother, from whom she has been long estranged. She does so reluctantly, because her house--the notorious Crowder House, hand-built by her father—was the scene of serial murders. The town isn’t exactly thrilled to have Vera back. Questions like “Did you know what was going on?” still haunt her. To make matters worse, her father and the house have become the object of true-crime fans, and the son of a journalist who helped to publicize it has become the mother’s caretaker (and heir) and is busy stripping the house for his “murder art pieces.” As Vera sorts her mother’s belongings, the memories she has long suppressed come to life, along with disastrous truths.

I won’t say more about what those truths are because the process of revealing them is one of the ways this book is brilliant. Vera is an unreliable narrator who hides horrific childhood memories from herself, but she herself is not the person initially presented. Nor are her parents. By alternating between past and present, Gailey takes us on an ever-tightening spiral path, each revolution bringing more and deeper connections. The final confrontation and resolution, which would otherwise have come as a surprise—not to mention being utterly unbelievable—proceeds inevitably and naturally from what has come before. It’s a masterful handling of darkly gothic elements, psychopathy, domestic terror, and gorgeously bizarre characters.

Gailey is a writer who has come of age and richly deserves the acclaim she’s earned.

A Month of NaNoWriMo posts (highlights)

I've been putting up brief posts about National Novel Writing Month. Here are a few that are worth repeating.

November 1: Happy November! It's @NaNoWriMo time! Will you join this year?

NaNoWriMo is a yearly event that challenges participants to write a novel in a single month. The #writingcommunity spirit, online tools, and general cheering one another on can be awesome. But it's not for everyone.

Here's what I'll be doing for NaNoWriMo: Cheering on my friends. I'll be finishing up revisions on the next Darkover novel, Arilinn. Revising is a very different process from drafting. I find that drafting goes better when I do it quickly, so I don't get caught in second-guessing myself or editing as I write. Both are recipes for disaster and paralysis. Revising, on the other hand, does not reliably produce any measurable result in terms of pages or words. I dive into it and call it quits every day when my brain won't function any longer.

November 2: Happy @NaNoWriMo month! Whether you participate or not, this is a great time to review your writing goals. If finishing a novel is too much, how about a single chapter? Or a short story? While it can be helpful to set ambitious goals, for many it's overwhelming. We fare better with short, manageable goals that allow us to succeed, sentence by sentence, word by word. What are YOUR goals for this month?

November 3: Happy @NaNoWriMo! Candles, music, hot drinks, snacks, a purring cat on your lap... What helps make the words flow for you?

I like soft instrumental music, an occasional spearmint candy, and lots of kitty vibes!

November 5: Happy @NaNoWriMo! Is it possible to write a novel in only 30 days? What do you think?

1. 1. Why stop at only one? Let's write a trilogy in 30 days?
2. 2. Hell, no! I can barely manage a sentence in that time--but it's a perfect sentence!
3. 3. Yes, if the voices in my head keep dictating to me.

November 10: It's time for a break! Rest is important – even during @NaNoWriMo. Writing a novel in 30 days is pretty intense. Knowing when and how much to rest is tricky. Are you a fan of rest or do you find it difficult to switch off?

November 12: Supporting characters can provide comic relief when things get heavy. Do you have a favorite, one just begging for their own story What would a writing session look like if some of your supporting characters were keeping you company?

November 13: Doing something as demanding as @NaNoWriMo can teach you things you didn’t know about yourself. Tackling a novel, regardless of time, teaches me humility and patience. And that I have a wacky sense of humor. Does this surprise you? What are you learning about yourself this month?

November 15: During a project as big as @NaNoWriMo, it’s normal to feel tired, to doubt yourself or run low on creativity. So it’s good to have a few go-to accounts that lift you up, brighten your day or remind you why you’re doing what you’re doing. What nourishes you during those moments? What keeps you inspired?

November 26: @NaNoWriMo pals: Are you old school or ultra-modern? Whether it’s keeping track of your ideas, staying on schedule or actually putting words on the page – do you prefer pen and paper, your trusty typewriter, color-coded post-its, a giant whiteboard, clever apps... or something else? Ask your readers: are you traditional or high-tech?

For organization, I use a writing paper schedule and a spiral notebook for each novel. For writing, I mostly use Word (or Google Docs), but if I'm stuck, I write my way through with that handy notebook.

What about you?

November 27: Into the home stretch of @NaNoWriMo, there’s a good chance you’ll run low on energy at some point this month. When that happens, do you take a break or push through? What restores your energy and momentum?

November 30: On the last day of @NaNoWriMo, you may need a little extra help to get across the finish line. Feel free to be honest about that and ask for #encouragement.

Here's some from me: You've done an awesome job, whether you finished a novel or not. Your words are precious, so keep writing!

 

 

 

Short Book Reviews: Walter Jon Williams's "Praxis" Homerun

 Imperium Restored (A Novel of the Praxis), by Walter Jon Williams (Harper Voyager)

This was my first “Praxis” novel, and it’s a tribute to the author that although I could not always follow the intricacies of the backstory, I was so caught up in the action that I simply didn’t care. Imperium Restored works on so many levels, each of them fascinating. Star-crossed lovers are separated by a colossal misunderstanding that spews forth confusion, mistrust, and crushing hurt (but does nothing to erase the fundamental attraction between them). There’s also a bang-up battle in space, one of the smartest and most inventive I’ve read, enough to convince me that any spacemil science fiction Williams writes will be superb. Life in a vast star-spanning spaceforce is filled with rivalries, jealousies, boredom, ill-fated sexual encounters, interspecies friction, and what-do-we-do-with-ourselves once the war is over. A lesser writer might have focused on the war itself. While the battle scenes are pure bravura, Williams keeps enlarging the lens to look at the ramifications, not just during the conflict but also afterward. The resulting peace offers as many opportunities for tension, betrayal, alliances made and broken, assassination attempts, revenge, and general chaos as the actual fighting did.

There’s also a mystery.

What more could a science fiction fan want?

GUEST POST: Lillian Csernica on Finding Happiness in Writing

I’m delighted to welcome author Lillian Csernica, who writes eloquently from the heart about her life. She says the following essay “embodies the main theme of my NaNoWriMo project, Keep Getting Up.”

 

HAPPINESS: A WELCOME STRANGER

By Lillian Csernica

 

If you ask me where I make room for my happiness, it will take me a minute or two to come up with a reply. Not because I don't know where I keep it, but because in a very real sense, I don't have any to keep. I live with Major Depressive Disorder. It's not like I get depressed every now and then. I'm depressed all the time. I have to fight my way out of it to a state of mind that approximates the kind of baseline cheerfulness that gets most people through their day. The specific name for the no-happiness part of my condition is anhedonia. That's the inability to experience pleasure from normal activities such as watching a funny movie or playing with a pet. If that sounds sad, it is. Some days it goes beyond sad all the way into tragic. I sit there and watch life go by. I can see the colors and hear the sounds, but I can't feel anything other than depression. The tastes, the smells, the textures are there but they don't connect to the pleasure center in my brain.

I've had to actively seek out qualified people who taught me the skills I need to change my perceptions and reframe my thinking. I might not be able to feel happiness, but I take great pleasure in other people's joy. Here are two examples:

• My son John just finished taking a class at the library on using a digital camera and laptop to make movies. He learned how to use some new software and do some interesting things with the storyboard pages he'd spent so much time drawing. John doesn't have a completed animation project yet, but he did master a new part of the process in just one hour. I put the experience in context for him, explaining how the animators he admires had to learn step-by-step methods as well. John is proud of himself.
• Michael, my older son, just brought home his latest award-winning art project. He and his aide had kept it in his classroom until summer school ended because it's a triptych with two of the panels created by two of Michael's classmates. It shows a street scene right off the beach in Capitola, done in multimedia that includes paint and crayon and some glitter. While Michael didn't make it into the Top Three for this year's school district art contest, he and his team received ribbons for Awards of Merit. All of us at home made much over Michael winning his fourth award for an art project.

 I think I'm the closest to real happiness that I can get these days when I write. When I get into the creative trance, all sense of time passing vanishes. I leave behind the sorrows of the real world and function within the world of my story. I am on that intuitive wavelength where I'm processing structure and characterization and setting and dialogue all the way down to the microwriting level of word choice and punctuation placement. I could be a gem cutter working with the magnifiers and the precision tools that allow me to cut a stone into a solitaire, a baguette, a marquise, whatever best suits the particular gem. I reach into the story itself for its reality, its shape, the right way to show off its color, cut, and clarity. There is no pleasure like the pleasure of finding the exact word and putting it in the ideal setting.

I have to work hard at making room for happiness in my mind and in my life. Every day I have to survive in an environment of ongoing tragedy, knowing that because of their disabilities, both of my sons will not enjoy everything life has to offer them. I've learned that I can't hold on to happiness. Life changes too quickly, and some of the changes are permanent. I've learned that I have to take medication to correct my brain chemistry so I can get out of bed in the morning and get through the demands of each day. I've learned that I can't let my mental and emotional room be taken up by negative feelings and old baggage. Most of all, I've learned that if I just keep still and be in this present moment, happiness will wave at me or throw me a smile. Once in a while, it will even come and sit beside me so we can share the moment.

 

Lillian Csernica writes fantasy, romance, and horror. Her short stories have appeared in Weird Tales, Fantastic Stories, and Jewels of Darkover. Her Kyoto Steampunk short stories can be found in the Clockwork Alchemy anthologies Twelve Hours Later, Thirty Days Later, Some Time Later and Next Stop On The #13. SHIP OF DREAMS, an historical romance, is set in the Caribbean of 1725 during the Golden Age of piracy. A genuine California native born in San Diego, Lillian resides in the Santa Cruz mountains with her two sons and three cats. Visit her at lillian888.wordpress.com.