Book Review: A Hilarious Guide to Querying Literary Agents

 Fake Query Letters by Dead Authors: A Satirical Craft Guide to Writing Queries That Survive the Slush Pile, by David Brown and Michelle Barker (Darling Axe Publishing)

How-to books for authors abound in today’s market. Not all the advice is worth taking. Indeed, much of it seems to be based on outdated practices, flawed “conventional wisdom,” or is intended for novice self-published authors. Very little is aimed at serious authors interested in traditional publishing or established midlist authors scrambling to keep up with today’s rapidly changing market. Much of it is contradictory and involves a great deal of telling the author how to get an agent instead of showing pitfalls and best practices.

The latest entry in this field is the delightful, highly informative book, Fake Query Letters by Dead Authors: A Satirical Craft Guide to Writing Queries That Survive the Slush Pile, by David Brown and Michelle Barker of Darling Axe. They open with this intriguing premise:

 What if the greatest novels ever written had to survive today's slush pile? No reputation to fall back on—just a cover letter and first page... and an agent who's already read 200 queries before lunch.

Spoiler: most of them wouldn't make it. 

Using five classic novels (Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, The Scarlet Letter, Anne of Green Gables, and Jane Eyre) they first demonstrate the worst possible way the authors could query an agent and how to fix their disastrous mistakes.

 Query guidelines for literary agents vary, but most include a letter, synopsis, and sample pages, which are often the first chapter). We already know (and, hopefully, love) the text, which gives us a foundation to evaluate each horrible, rejection-guaranteed sample letter and synopsis. The authors invite us to imagine ourselves as literary agents at the end of a punishing work week, facing an Inbox jammed with queries. (So much fun!) What would tempt us to read the entire query and then—oh joy!—request the entire manuscript?

Highly recommended for fiction writers at all stages of their careers for whom a literary agent is appropriate. Also highly recommended for indie (self-published) writers for invaluable insights into how to craft a compelling novel and then present it at its best. After all, in today’s overcrowded market, readers will decide to pick up a book on the same basis of a dynamite pitch.