This is my first experience being with someone who is dying
slowly. I’ve lost loved ones suddenly, without any chance to say goodbye. I’ve visited
and taken care of friends and family during a terminal illness, but not for
this length of time or this close to the end. Hospice has provided not only
printed information of what to expect, but a variety of support personnel who
function as educators as well as helpers. I was reasonably well prepared for
the physical changes in my dying friend, but the rhythms in her decline have
come as a surprise.
I – and most of us, I suspect – live my life with a greater
or lesser degree of ritual. My days are structured with the things I do
regularly, without much in the way of decision making, whether it’s my morning wash-up
routine, the things I do when I sit down to work, preparing dinner and sharing
it with my family, and so forth. The week has its own schedule, even though I
work at home. I admit to having expectations about how each day will unfold,
what commitments I have and what blocks of “discretionary” time. Although it’s
been said that expectations are premeditated resentments (when it comes to our
agendas for how other people live their lives), we humans seem to do better
when things are at least slightly predictable. It’s exhausting to live in a
state of not knowing what might happen next.
