Overcoming Deepest Grief, A Woman’s Journey: Grief, Acceptance, Gratitude and Joy, by Mary Aviyah Farkas
Mary Aviyah Farkas’s book, based mostly on her journal
entries, is an intensely personal record of her passage through grief. It
begins with a stark retelling of three major losses: the death of her sister,
with whom she was very close, followed by discovering the dead body of her
long-time lover and the consequent removal of her lover’s possessions from
their home by the lover’s family, an incident she describes as “a rape.” The
opening essays, written after the journal entries, speak eloquently of the
depth of loss, the shock and the grief—experienced by the author. The
simplicity of her diction expresses the complexity of her emotions, stemming
not only from the deaths of two people she dearly loved but also from the sense
of violation when her home was invaded by her in-laws in what she experienced
as a callous and rapacious manner.
I think every reader would identify with Farkas’s feelings
of shock and horror. As much as we might like to think that physical
possessions aren’t important, when we have suffered the loss of someone we love
(in this case, two people), items that they owned or shared become precious.
Most of us aren’t ready to let go of them until we have done considerable
grieving. (Example: I still have my mother’s aprons, 40 years later!) As
someone who has experienced grief under complicated circumstances, I understood
why Farkas didn’t respond with legal action or even simply kicked them out, and
why she could no longer remain in the home she had shared for decades.
The remainder of the book consists of essays and poetry in
chronological order, written as Farkas struggled to rebuild her life and
rediscover joy and connection. Here is where the universality of the opening
shifts into the specificity of her experiences and beliefs. Farkas states
clearly that her book is not intended to be a “how-to,” although a few sections
contain suggestions; this is a record of what comforted and helped her. Some of
her experiences may fall outside the interests or means of ordinary people, for
example, her sessions with her bodyworker or her guru. So, too, her use of
capitalization denotes esoteric definitions of otherwise common words. I
wondered, for example, what was the precise difference between accepting a
loved one’s death and Accepting it. Clearly, the choice of diction and
punctuation has special meaning for the author, reinforcing the presentation of
her unique, personal experience.
Farkas offers her healing journey with remarkable honesty
and courage. She is as open about her anguish as about her renewed joy. The
importance of her spiritual life shines through the pages. The book won the Silver
Nautilus Book Award for “books that support Nautilus’ Four Pillars: Conscious
Living & Sustainability; High-Level Health & Wellness; Spiritual
Growth; and Positive Social Change & Social Justice.”
I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for an
honest review.
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