[personal] Bragging About My Younger Daughter

My younger daughter, Rose, is finishing up her residency in Family Medicine. She's also a strong advocate for gender and sexual minority patients. And she's just been recognized for her work:

(DEIA - Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, & Access)  

[personal] Hope for Our Kids

Renoir, Maternite, 1887

On Mother’s Day, May 13 2018, I attended the graduation of my youngest daughter from medical school. While this is surely an occasion of joy and pride for all families, in this case it is especially so. Rose had a long, hard struggle through her adolescence and teen years. As her (single, working) mother, I couldn’t wave a magic wand and make her problems go away; what she needed was patience and love, especially my unwavering belief that she was resourceful enough to cope her challenges. One of the things that helped me during those difficult years was hearing from another mother about the rough time her son had gone through, but that he had come through those times, rebuilt his life, and was now a successful emergency room physician. (Both our kids becoming doctors is an interesting coincidence.)

For quite a while, I blamed myself for Rose’s difficulties. She’d been an intense, fiery toddler, than an easy-going child. When my mother was murdered, Rose was only 3 months old, so she grew up with me struggling through initial PTSD recovery. It was sheer awful luck that her puberty and my crisis (after the first parole hearing of the man who did it) and subsequent breakup of the family happened about the same time. She and I ended up moving to a different part of the state, both of us trying to restart our lives. Marion Zimmer Bradley had invited me to collaborate with her on Darkover, so my writing career was getting started again. I was dating the man I eventually married, so many aspects of our lives were happier and more stable. Except, of course, for adolescent hormones.

After doing well in middle school, Rose starting having difficulty, including self-harm. It was clear to me that if I got on her case about it, the only result would be that she would stop talking to me and I could not help her. So I took my worries elsewhere, including to the friend who told me about how her son had overcome drug addition and other serious problems, then finished college and went on to medical school. Another story I heard involved a kid who was living at home and not doing much. When his parents issued an ultimatum to either go to school or get a job. the kid moved out, became a drug dealer, and ended up in prison. The friend who told me this story was at a loss to do with her own son, who had dropped out of college and moved back home. Her thought was that at least she knew where her son was, and he was in a safe place until he could figure things out.

On Not Seeing the Lunar Eclipse

Like many others, astronomy buffs or ordinary folks, I looked forward eagerly to seeing Sunday's lunar eclipse. We can't see the eastern horizon from our property because it's surrounded by redwood trees (and then hills -- can't really call 'em mountains, although they feel like it). We can see directly overhead just fine, and there's relatively little light pollution compared to our nearest city, Santa Cruz. So after some research, we decided the best viewing location would be East Field at UCSC. Elevated, and with a spectacular view of Monterey Bay and eastward.

Alas, the atmosphere failed to cooperate. Even before we began the trek to USCS, clouds thickened across the east. The west, however, was not yet occluded. Lots of clear sky showed between the clouds. Armed with blanket and binoculars, we scaled the heights. On the field, we found groups of students and others, some with cameras set up on tripods.

The entire eastern horizon was, as they say, "socked in."We could just make out the lights on the Moss Landing power plant, which is further to the south. The gathering waited, hoping that the layers of eastern clouds would part -- or thin out -- just enough to catch a glimpse of the Moon. Was that reddish tinge the Moon or the riot of color to the west?

I was struck by how easy it was to get caught up in the gloom and disappointed hopes in one direction and miss the spectacular sunset in the other.

I didn't get to see the eclipse, although I can easily watch it on video online. I did, however, get to watch one of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen, sitting on a hilltop with my husband and my older daughter, who has just moved in with us so that she can go back to college. All in all, I'd pick the evening I got instead of the one I planned.

(My daughter took the photo.)