Let me back up a little. You’ll hear this
phrase, “write
from the heart,” a fair amount as you navigate the world of
writing advice.
When I suggested the topic to Deborah, she immediately pointed me
to a podcast
in which Betsy Wollheim of DAW spent fifteen minutes giving just
that advice.
So I want to talk a little about why it’s important, why many
people don’t do
it, and how you can.
Writing from the heart is scary. It means
exposing yourself
to the world. In a way, it’s like having an intimate conversation
with hundreds
or thousands or (if you’re lucky) millions of strangers. It’s
talking about the
pain of breaking up, the fear of not having enough to eat, the
loneliness of
losing a parent, the depressing reality of falling short. It’s
talking about
falling in love, about the joy of discovery, about those words
your mother said
when you were six that you carried with you all your life. It can
mean
describing your journey from realizing you’re different to
realizing that
that’s okay.
If this scares you or disturbs you (in an
emotional sense
rather than a horror sense), that’s good. Tap into a place where
you’re not
comfortable: those are the raw places from which powerful writing
comes. You
guard them because they are important to you. And when they are
important to
you, that passion comes across in your writing. When you put
yourself on the
page, the reader can feel that, because your characters reactions
feel
authentic.
Here's how I did it: I’d been more and more
openly gay for about a decade when I
moved in with my then-boyfriend (now husband), but I still kept it
private from
my co-workers and other casual friends until I got a better sense
of how it
would be received. What was fueling my writing then was the urge
to show gay
characters falling in love, the way I was falling in love. And I wanted to write them in
the aesthetic I
was discovering, using animal-people to represent character
archetypes.
This was important to me, but it was also
scary, not just
because of having employers who knew, even then, how to use search
engines, but
also because I would be writing intimate emotional details. Hidden
behind other
characters, yes, but it would be exposing who I am in ways I
didn’t even do with
people I’d worked beside for years.
So I created a new identity. I wrote stories,
then a novel,
then another novel. Eventually, I wrote a book called “Waterways,”
about a
teenager coming to terms with his attraction to another boy. And
here’s where I
come to the part about why writing from the heart is important.
“Waterways” has generated and continues to
generate more fan
mail than any other book. I have gotten many, many e-mails from
teenaged boys
(mostly) telling me how the book changed their lives, made them
realize that it
was okay for them to be gay. I have heard from people who said
they didn’t
realize that gay relationships were about anything other than sex
until they
read my book.
Everyone has these intimate experiences and
secrets that they
keep close to them. One of the most terrifying things we face as a
human is
being alone. It’s why one of the oldest impulses we have is to
gather with
others of our kind. And when you read about someone, even a
fictional
character, going through the same things you did, that can be a
revealing,
momentous experience. That story will never move away, stop
talking to them,
pass away. It works the same for you, too. Turning your inner
demons into outer
fictional demons makes them a lot less scary; watching your
creations wrestle
them successfully gives you hope as well.
Think about the books that are important to
you. Chances are
they taught you something: that a goal was possible, that other
people felt the
same things you did, that what is important to you is important to
others.
As I became more comfortable in my
relationship, I thought
back to the first dates I’d had with other men, and how secretive
they insisted
on being. From the conflict between respecting my previous
partners' desire for secrecy
and my own growing realization that the best thing for gay rights
was more openness
came a book called “Out of Position,” a story about a gay activist
and a
football player falling in love. This one became my best-selling
book, I
believe in part because many gay couples right now are struggling
with exactly
that conflict. It explores the relationship from the viewpoint of
both
characters: Lee, the activist, and Dev, the football player. In
this small
scene, following a fight about being seen in public together that
ends with an
unexpected display of affection from Dev, Lee reflects:
For
the past several months, I've been struggling to figure out who
I am. I thought
I knew. Running around with Brian, I was so sure of it, and so
proud, in many
senses of the word. For Brian to come back and cut like he did
hurt me, and
part of what hurt, of course, is the realization that he is
right. I am more
concerned with getting laid than with advancing the cause of gay
rights
everywhere.
And
what Dev did, just now, is take all that selfish behavior of
mine, that
betrayal of my Fellows of the Pink Triangle, and make it right.
Because
that's what being gay is about. No; that's what being alive is
about. It's
love. Whether we articulate it or not, what we're fighting for
is the right to
love whom we want in the manner we're born to. Sometimes we lose
sight of that,
in all the politics and symbolism we get caught up in. Dev just
reminded me of
it. This dinner, the look in his eyes, the night in the hotel in
Chikewa Falls,
it's all because I chose him over the movement. It's the
reminder that my
betrayal isn't really a betrayal. It's the exercising of the
rights we are
fighting for. That he came from where he did to the point where
he can express
affection—love—for me, that is a gift, and a victory.
A lot of that comes from my own experience and
struggle. Dramatized
for fiction, of course, but no less real for that. My latest book,
"Green Fairy," draws on some of my experiences with people being
not what they seem, and also touches on my own experiences with my
parents: estrangement and loss.
At the end of the day, writing from the heart
is good to do
not only because it will result in a better book, a more truthful,
passionate,
and real book. It’s important because when you write with passion,
you touch
the hearts of other people, and grow more in touch with your own.
----------------
Waterways:
-Print: https://www.sofawolf.com/products/waterways
-E-book (Kindle): http://www.amazon.com/Waterways-ebook/dp/B005FCFHGU/
Out of Position:
-Print: https://www.sofawolf.com/products/out-of-position
-E-book (Kindle): http://www.amazon.com/Out-Position-Dev-Lee-ebook/dp/B003PPDAXQ/
Green Fairy
-Print: https://www.sofawolf.com/products/green-fairy
-E-book (Kindle): http://www.amazon.com/Green-Fairy-Dangerous-Spirits-ebook/dp/B008RH0MC4/
-Print: https://www.sofawolf.com/products/waterways
-E-book (Kindle): http://www.amazon.com/Waterways-ebook/dp/B005FCFHGU/
Out of Position:
-Print: https://www.sofawolf.com/products/out-of-position
-E-book (Kindle): http://www.amazon.com/Out-Position-Dev-Lee-ebook/dp/B003PPDAXQ/
Green Fairy
-Print: https://www.sofawolf.com/products/green-fairy
-E-book (Kindle): http://www.amazon.com/Green-Fairy-Dangerous-Spirits-ebook/dp/B008RH0MC4/
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