I first posted this November 30, 2016, right after the presidential election. I'm putting it up again as a reminder of how important it is to take care of our mental well-being in troubled times.
Most of us who drink alcohol have sooner or later imbibed
too much of it. Setting aside the embarrassing and unhealthful effect of such
overindulgence, we then got to experience nature’s own payback: a hangover. Not
only do we feel wretched, we grapple with the fact that we inflicted this
misery on ourselves by our own choices.
Recently I’ve noticed behaviors (other than drinking) that
leave me with a feeling of emotional or spiritual malaise. Not “What was I
drinking?” but “What was I thinking?”
When I take note of the symptoms of “spiritual or emotional”
hangover, I become aware of the situations, topics, or even people that lead me
to abandon my center. While it is undoubtedly theoretically true that no one
can make me feel or behave in ways I
will regret, in practice my will power needs help.
When I am already anxious, distracted, confused, or all the
other things I have been feeling since the election, I’m not at my best. My
judgment can be unreliable. Ditto my self-control. If I put myself in
compromising situations, I am likely to say things I will regret. The regret
stems not so much from external consequences but from how I then feel about
myself. No matter how I value kindness, I can behave in harsh, unkind ways when
I’m in over my head. Over the years I’ve gotten very good at admitting error
and making things right, to the point that I would much rather avoid acting
badly to begin with.
Many of us have remarked how social media is both addictive
and inflammatory. In a fit of irritation or self-righteousness, we zip off a
caustic comment and push ENTER. Then we keep coming back for another dose. It’s
an engraved invitation to insanity! Very few of us are capable of going cold
turkey, and I’m not sure that’s really a solution. When we return to social
media, as most of us will, we will be in exactly the same state in which we
left it. We won’t be any more skillful in detaching ourselves or of passing by
the temptation to be cruel or snarky. We won’t be any closer to finding communities,
people, topics, or environments that help us to feel calmer, kinder, and more
hopeful. We’ll be like alcoholics who stop drinking but never address the
underlying issues or the consequences.
In addition to being careful about situations that may
provoke me to things I’ll regret, I can ask myself what keeps me coming back.
Is it the illusion that news (including gossip) will somehow make me safe? Or popular?
Or smart? What do I get from visiting those sites (maybe there is something
positive)? Is there a grey area in which the positive benefits become negative,
and if so, how can I better discern it?
What situations leave me with heart lifted and spirits
mended? Who or what gives me hope? In what settings do I act my best? Who brings
out the qualities in me that I value? How do I seek out such encounters?
Excellent post! I must admit to being addicted to social media myself. I try to post positive comments, videos, etc. Still, it's always good to be mindful of what we read, watch, listen to. BVC is a good place to find something uplifting, creative and intellectually stimulating. It's also a good idea to unplug at times. Have lunch with good friends who support and encourage you. Meditate. Read a good book.
ReplyDeleteSocial media are challenging for me, especially if I'm upset and therefore not vigilant about my boundaries. I get more and more worked up, and it's harder and harder to tear myself away even when that's the best thing for me. I'm finding that writing this blog series is a good alternative!
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