Halloween Special: The Love Sonnet of Zombie Genghis Khan

This post first came out in early 2013, for Mad Scientist Day, but it's perfect for Halloween as well. Enjoy!

For the past five years, I have been on assignment to track down and interview the most hideously

putrid, merciless brain-eating zombies in the world. Common sense must lead us to conclude that no matter how mild and benevolent the victim has been in life, the zombification process will inevitably render him degenerate and violent. Even the most tender-hearted and refined of persons will turn single-mindedly murderous. I do not say this to offend those of delicate sensibilities, but to remind the gentle reader of established fact.

I am not the only reporter with this goal. My colleagues have also been investigating the fate of history's most bloody and heartless criminals. Many of these candidates perished without the benefits of zombification. Soon, I discovered that of the many possibilities, an increasing number had already been claimed.

In desperation, therefore, I extended the scope of my search. I ventured across trackless wastes, toxic and otherwise, through jungles filled with vampiric mosquitoes and dangers even more vile, into caverns measureless by zombies and finally to the wind-swept steppes of Central Asia. There I sought one of the most infamous butchers of the ages, the man destined to become the notorious zombie of all times.

Zombie Genghis Khan.

Here, then, is the interview the world has been waiting for!

D J Ross: Mr. Khan? Mr. Khan, might I have a moment of your time? No, please do not brandish your spear in my general direction. I'm here to bring your immortal words to readers across the world.

G. Khan: [indecipherable]

DJR: Brains? No, I wish to hear about your exploits, particularly since your resurrection as Zombie Khan. What were your thoughts upon awakening from the dead?

G. Khan: I have brains.

[rant] Ebola: Why We Need Research Funding

It's no surprise that folks who think the government should not spend money on anything have targeted such agencies as the National Institutes of Health. After all, the private sector has created the world's best health care, right? (sarcasm glyph) But public health is about a whole lot more than decent sanitation to prevent typhoid or antibiotics to treat bacterial infections. It's about continuing research into prevention -- vaccinations -- and treatment of diseases we don't face in our ordinary lives. Like Ebola, once viewed as a serious but remote disease, something to use for action/thriller movies like Outbreak.

People who suffer from rare disease know all too well that the private sector -- for profit pharmaceutical companies -- rarely invest their research dollars when there is a small market for a drug or a population of patients who can't afford expensive treatments. Ebola had both strikes against it, plus it happened to people "over there" -- black people, at that. We are all one world, and if compassion doesn't inspire us to address diseases like this with the same fierce dedication as those closer to home, than the ease of transmission across oceans and continents should. "Over there" can be our own backyards in a matter of days. We have a much more robust health care system than do the African nations where Ebola deaths are mounting, but we as communities are just as vulnerable. Here, as there, those who care for the sick are not only most critical in stopping the spread of the disease but are the most vulnerable in terms of becoming its next victims.

What if we as a nation, with all our scientific and medical knowledge, backed by the financial resources of our government -- the way we collectively fund such things -- had continued our search for effective treatments and vaccines? What if we had been able to ship those treatments to Africa when the current Ebola outbreak started? What if every health care worker -- there and here -- who might come into contact with an Ebola patient were vaccinated? How many lives would have already been saved?

Dr. Francis Collins, the head of the National Institutes of Health, said that a decade of stagnant spending has "slowed down" research on all items, including vaccinations for infectious diseases. As a result, he said, the international community has been left playing catch-up on a potentially avoidable humanitarian catastrophe.

"NIH has been working on Ebola vaccines since 2001. It's not like we suddenly woke up and thought, 'Oh my gosh, we should have something ready here,'" Collins told The Huffington Post on Friday. "Frankly, if we had not gone through our 10-year slide in research support, we probably would have had a vaccine in time for this that would've gone through clinical trials and would have been ready."

It's not just the production of a vaccine that has been hampered by money shortfalls. Collins also said that some therapeutics to fight Ebola "were on a slower track than would've been ideal, or that would have happened if we had been on a stable research support trajectory."

"We would have been a year or two ahead of where we are, which would have made all the difference," he said.

Test tub design by Heatherawalls, public domain.

Convolution: What makes a good con from an author’s point of view?

For the last few years, I have rarely attended a convention where I couldn’t commute from home, and they are few, so I was delighted to invited to attend Convolution, a fairly new convention, held at the Hyatt Regency near the San Francisco airport. It was a bit of a drive, but Dave Trowbridge, my lovely spouse, was invited to be a guest, too, and that meant help for the long, late trudge home over twisty mountain roads. For both of us, the convention was an enjoyable, stimulating, and worthwhile endeavor. 

The first thing both of us noticed was the quality of the programming: interesting topics over a wide range of interests. Every event (panels, autographing, reading) that I was included on was something I wanted to be on. The logistics were supportive, too: when I commute, I often face the challenge that the programming folks do not listen when I ask to have my panels grouped together. These folks paid heed, and gave me a wonderful lineup of events. The panels were scheduled every 2 hours, with half an hour for break or wending one’s way along the loooong periphery of each floor. 

Registration for guest panelists was smooth and uncomplicated, despite the fact we got there early on Friday afternoon, when chaos typically reigns over convention organization. The Green Room – often a place I dash into and out of because of the loud monologs by a few folks who treat it as their private preserve – was a welcoming place, in no small way due to the warmth and friendliness of the volunteers staffing it.

As a result of having many panels at the same time and the remoteness of the locations, many events were sparsely attended. (Not all, as Dave told me that one of his panels – Religion in SF – was packed.) At first, I found this a bit disappointing, until I wandered into the GoH klatch (informal discussion) and found myself in a room with 4 other people and Tanya Huff, so I have decided it did have its compensations!