For various reasons, mostly having to do with the fact that my husband never flies anywhere, he now has a free subscription to a magazine aimed primarily at a male readership. Out of curiosity, I flipped through it. And was suitably amused and horrified. Come with me on an adventure in befuddlement…
Cover: Hmmm, interesting. Think I’ll check it out.
Inside cover. This cloud turns gamers into Titans. I’m anti-interested in “massive universe” games.
This ad for an airline offers drinks on the house (image of man’s hand holding airline-plastic cup of beer). Drinking at altitude is such a colossally bad thing for your hydration, this airline is evil.
Table of contents: Ooh, a person I want to read about.
Ad for men’s eyeglass frames. What were you smoking to think these might make a man look even remotely attractive?
A cancer hospital’s goal is…wait for it…curing cancer.
This ultra-modern watch is ahead of its time. And its face is also unreadable, especially at a quick glance. It’s analog but has no second hand. Why bother?
I think this ad is for a tablet, but I’m not sure. It could be the thing that holds a tablet. The company is marketing to folks who already want their product.
A bluetooth-enabled electric toothbrush. Department of Useless Technology, much? I find an electric toothbrush an improvement over the traditional kind, since I have a touch of carpal tunnel syndrome. I like the little built-in timer. I see no reason whatsoever to have an app that keeps track of how long or how hard I’m brushing.
Finally I come to an actual article! Alas, it is an op ed piece on political and technology. Snooze.
A truly incomprehensible ad about growth, expanding capability without expanding infrastructure. Sounds like a plan to put construction workers out of a job. Zero interest.
The next ad informs me I can roll over my data plan on my smartphone. Since I have a stupid phone, I pass.
Letters to the editor. These are not the droids I’m looking for.
Ad for an intense fragrance for me. Is this why the magazine makes my nose itch?
Another watch, this one with a clear, numbered, analog face. It’s either got a dial to measure seconds or that’s a stop watch. Is there a women’s version for those of us with small hands? Oh, and it says made in USA. I know this because I found the ad interesting enough to read it. Kudos to the company!
An article I might be interested in, only it’s white type on black background and the graphics are unreadable.
Another article on an issue I care about and would to read, only it, too, is illegible white on black.
An ad I believe has to do with day trading. Anti-interest. I have so many and better ways to spend my time than making myself crazy.
Finally, an article I’m interested in and I can read. By this time, I’m on page 26. Alas, it’s followed by an ad for liquor, whiskey I believe, but since I’ve seen far too many lives destroyed by alcoholism, I question the ethics of making liquor appear elegant and attractive.
Another white-on-black article. Drat, one I would have read.
Another watch with an unreadable and terminally ugly face. It’s solar, but what good is that if you can’t read any of it’s 20 functions. Get a sun dial!
Article I could read if I had the slightest interest in it.
Ad for a car I would never own and that probably gets 3 miles per gallon. Trees died for this???
Yet another article I could care less about. Why are these the ones with black on white? Is there an inverse relationship between interest and readability?
An ad for men’s fragrance, featuring a model with great face shape, gorgeous eyes…and a 5 day growth beard that makes me wince. Porcupine time – run away, run away!
Here I gave up. I didn’t even get to the cover story.
It’s a good thing we recycle.